This post was originally published in June last year. Please enjoy again or for the first time.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us are searching for happiness. If you have already found it well done! But there are several people who remain quite unhappy and I’m about to share their secrets with you. Here are some ways to ensure unhappiness in your life.

How to successfully be unhappy

1. Live in the past. Unhappy people are stuck in the past, replaying every situation and wishing they could have done it differently to get a better outcome. Fortunately for them the past cannot be changed nor can the outcome, so they will always have something to dwell on.

Cure: Live for now, right this minute, today. Living in the past is truly pointless, as it cannot be changed no matter how hard you try. If you’ve screwed up guess what? We all have. The best thing you can do is learn from it, apologize if need be, move on and try not to make the same mistake again. Alternatively, and just as pointless really, you could be living in the future. You have no idea what the future has in store and the more attached you get to an idea of how things should play out, the more disappointed and unhappy you will be when it doesn’t.

2. Let life happen TO you. Perpetually unhappy people don’t take much into their own hands. They are life’s victims and are simply taken along for the ride with no say in how things unfold. You’ll often hear unhappy people say things like “I can’t”, “I have to” or “I have no choice”.

Cure: Grab the reins and get active. Everything you’re doing, you are doing because you made a choice to do it. Instead of “I can’t” try “I don’t want to”. Instead of “I have to” try “I want to”. There’s a subtle difference but when you make these changes it becomes something all about you. It empowers you. You are actively choosing how your life is unfolding.

3.  If only. Many unhappy people live in “if only” land. If only I had a million dollars, if only I was born somewhere warm, if only I hadn’t thrown out <blank>. This is similar to the first point of living in the past, but in this case it’s the fictitious past as it didn’t even happen.

Cure: Make the best of your current situation, circumstance or position in life. Sure life would be easier if only we had…, but focusing on what could have been or on things that just aren’t going to happen, makes for a rather unhappy existence. Look at where you are right now. If you are reading this you are likely indoors, clothed and have the knowledge to use a computer. Those things alone are worth being grateful for.

4. Value things not people. Some unhappy people take pleasure in owning big, flashy, shiny things. Some get their sense of worth based on what they have. If you know anyone like this then you probably also know that many of their relationships with actual people are far from healthy or ideal.

Cure: Spend time with people and create genuine relationships with them. If you surround yourself with like minded individuals that you enjoy spending time with the happier you will be. If you lose everything in a fire, flood, tornado etc. you con’t be in a very good spot if you’ve spent more time caring about things than your relationships with people. If, on the other hand, you have created and maintained good relationships all of your possessions could be washed away and I feel you would be in a far better position.

5. Focus on your weaknesses. To be truly unhappy simply talk yourself out of ever trying anything or taking a chance because it’s “not one of your strengths”. This is a great way to remain stuck in your rut and never expose yourself to new opportunities or experiences.

Cure: Focus on your strengths. Yes, it’s good to be aware of what you’re not particularly good at. Personal growth comes from getting out of your comfort zone and taking chances. When it’s not healthy is when you dwell on it – when you fear doing anything because you don’t think you’re good enough. Try to balance it by honing your skills or your talents and become even better at them. When you do something you’re good at it’s easy to get lost in it and make quick progress. Focus on your strengths and become the “go-to” person for them. You’ll be happier doing something you’re naturally good at as opposed to forcing yourself to become good at something you’re not.

6. Worry about everything. Some unhappy people are quite often stuck playing the “what if game”. I guarantee you they aren’t too happy about it (I know I’ve been there). What if this happens? And what if that happens? This causes a great deal of stress especially when all you can see is the worst possible outcomes.

Cure: Maintain perspective. Acknowledge the feelings you have but don’t wallow or get stuck in this phase for days on end. Reel yourself in and gain some perspective. Stick to the facts and remove as much of the emotion from the situation as you can. Is this seemingly bad thing really that bad or is it a blessing in disguise? Gaining perspective isn’t an easy thing to do if you’re a natural worrier. It takes time and practice as it’s not usually the first response.

7. Never be content because there’s got to be something better out there. If you never want to find happiness then stick with the “grass is greener over there” way of thinking.

Cure: Be happy right where you are. Unhappy people spend their whole life working towards objects, goals, horizons that always just out of reach. They say things like: “I’ll be happy when I’m debt free” “I’ll be happy when the kids are grown up and have moved out of the house” “I’ll be happy when the debt is paid off” and so on. Thing is you should be able to find happiness in your current situation right now. You likely have a lot going for you. If you think along the lines of “I’ll be happy when…” you mask the goodness that you have right now. Each milestone that you get to is only full of other problems and issues to deal with. Look where you are right now. Didn’t you say to yourself two years ago, “I’ll be happy when…” you are where you are right now?

We all want to be happy I think that’s a given. With a slight shift in perspective and thinking you can be happy now. There is no need to wait for the fictitious future. Take note of which of the seven secrets are affecting you. Have faith, let go and be secure enough in yourself to try some of the cures. It won’t happen right away but with persistence you can be well on your way to a happier you.

See also:

Move.

Create Experiences: Gifts That Can Last A Lifetime

Being A Rebel: Is It Killing Your Happiness?

Picture courtesy of: sergis blog

Secrets of the Perpetually Unhappy is a post from: Serene Journey

I do. Now I haven’t gone to culinary school, taken any courses or even worked in a restaurant but I do love trying new recipes and different kinds of food.

For some cooking is intimidating and they convince themselves that they will burn it all or other wise fail miserably even before they’ve thought of what they’re going to make.

Cooking nice, tasty, and fresh meals for yourself or your family doesn’t have to be a big deal. Following the simple steps I’m sharing here might just help you find the confidence you need to break out the frying pan, casserole dish and ramekins.

1. Get yourself organized. If cooking isn’t your idea of fun or making dinner frequently involves a phone then this first step will be super important. Get organized. Know what you’re going to do before you get started. Make sure you have enough time to get through the whole preparation and cooking. Check the fridge, pantry and cupboards to make sure you have all the ingredients you need. If you don’t take time to get organized you’re setting yourself up for failure … and you haven’t even started yet!

2. Get a good recipe. If beef bourguignon or chicken a la king sound impossible think again. Finding a good recipe is 75% of the battle. Look for a recipe that has all the ingredients needed (obviously) but also has well written, step by step instructions on how to prep, cook and serve. What also helps a lot are pictures. If you can see what things are supposed to look like along the way you’ll feel a lot more confident as you proceed through the recipe. One recipe site that I love and I’ve spoken about here on Serene Journey a few times is allrecipes.com. If you haven’t checked them out yet I highly suggest you do. I have yet to think of a recipe that is not in their database. Awesome!

3. Get good ingredients. No matter how prepared you are or how good the recipe is if you don’t have fresh, good tasting ingredients the end product will leave much to be desired. If you still have the herbs that came with the spice rack you bought 5 years ago now is a good time to change them out. Same goes for sauces and other condiments you might have in your fridge. If you can’t remember buying them then it’s probably a good idea to start fresh.

4. Have the right tools. Cooking can be fun but with sub-par tools it can be a real pain. Dull knives, flimsy cutting boards, and one small pot certainly won’t make you fall in love with cooking. Get a good set of knives, a garlic press, a food processor whatever you will use on a regular basis and will get the most use out of. Having the right tools can make your cooking experience all the more pleasurable.

5. Learn a few common terms. If you don’t know the difference between sauteing and searing or fondue and frying then now would be a good time to learn a few common cooking terms. Epicurious has a pretty exhaustive dictionary of cooking terms. When you have some time you might want to poke around and see what’s what.

6. Dress it up. When you’re done and dinner’s in the oven don’t stop there. Use garnishes to dress up your meal and add the finishing touches. Chop parsley, drizzle gravy or add edible flowers. Whatever it is, take time to make the presentation amazing after all you just spent all this time preparing a fresh and tasty meal it should be presented that way.

Cooking shouldn’t be intimidating I truly believe anyone can do it. Just approach it with a positive attitude and a willingness to experiment and you’ll amaze yourself at what you can produce.

So with that I want to know what is that one dish you’re going to make that you’ve been too intimidate to try … until now?

See also:

Quite Possibly The Best Homemade Crusty Bread Ever

A Simple and Effective Meal Plan In 3 Easy Steps

A Friday Night Out – At Home

Photo courtesy of: Krstnn Hrmnsn

6 Simple Steps To Becoming A Masterchef at Home is a post from: Serene Journey

There truly is so much to be grateful for, the air we breathe, the country we live in, the job that allows us to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.

Here are 7 (slightly more obscure) things you can likely be grateful for today.

Diversity. You can be grateful for diversity in a number of ways. Be grateful that you are not the same as anyone else on the planet. Be grateful for the diversity in plants, animals and any other object in your space. Diversity keeps things interesting, diversity provides us with so much stuff to learn; languages, cultures, likes, dislikes, people’s intolerance, etc… Be grateful for and bask in the fact that you are unique and take time to learn what makes others unique.

Grace. Be grateful for a time today when you were able to exhibit a bit of grace, charm or elegance. Everyday we take time out to help someone else be it taking on a task to lighten someone’s load, keeping the house neat and tidy, or merely saying thank you in a display of acknowledgement and appreciation of another person.

Laughter. You can be grateful for a time when you laughed today. Whether it was a joke, a funny sight, a tickle or a funny situation be thankful for it. When you’re down in the dumps, sore, frustrated, sad, or annoyed a good laugh can be all you need to lighten your mood and to begin seeing things in a more positive light.

Acceptance. Be grateful for the group or society that you are a part of. Maybe it’s your lunch mates, your church, your sewing club, school, study groups, your family etc … Be grateful for the fact that these people choose to be around you and choose to spend a portion of their day with you. Be grateful for the acceptance you extend to others as well. When you call a friend just to say hi, or meet them for coffee be grateful that you are able and willing to do that.

Love. You can be grateful for the love you felt today from your significant other, your children, your close friend or even your pet. That mutual affection is not something everyone has a chance to experience. Be grateful for the people, places and things in your life that bring you feelings of warmth, worth and purpose. Be grateful in your ability to reciprocate such feelings and do so freely. It’s a great feeling.

Health. We may not be 100% healthy but that doesn’t mean you should give into the things that are failing you. If you can see be grateful that you can. If you can breathe be grateful for healthy lungs to keep you going. If you have functioning arms and hands be grateful that you can hug the ones you love, touch the grass, feel the temperature of your bath water, feed yourself, dress yourself, and brush your own teeth. There may be parts of us that perhaps aren’t as good as they should be anymore but the human body is so complex and so intricate that there is a ton of things that you can still be grateful for.

Emotions. Be grateful that you have emotions and are able to express them. Be grateful for the feelings of passion, anger, love, jealousy, sorrow, happiness, joy, and contentment. Emotions let us know that we are alive, that we care and that things matter. Feeling emotions is not a bad thing how we deal with and express them are key. Be grateful that you were happy enough today to smile and wave at your neighbour. Be grateful that you experienced pain when someone said something hurtful (it means you care).

If you are searching for a life of abundance it truly does begin with a healthy dose of daily gratitude. Express gratitude for the little things in life and you shift your thinking to the positive.

What are somethings you are grateful for on a daily basis? How do they make you feel?

___________________________________________________________________________

To have your own spot to stay focused on what real matters and promote positive thinking in your life please checkout Sherri’s Gratitude Journal by clicking here.

Photo courtesy of: moriza

7 Things You Can Be Grateful For Today is a post from: Serene Journey

For me I’ve felt it and I’ve heard more of my fair share of complaints of others feeling burned out. So how do we stop it? If it’s so prevalent how can we put an end to it for good?

You’ll recognize burnout as that feeling of tiredness, helplessness, mental fatigue, physical fatigue etc. These feelings usually come as a large project is coming to an end. You’re working hard to get it done because, if you’re like most people you’ve procrastinated a wee bit.

But is burnout a bad thing? Maybe we just need to change our perspective. Maybe burnout is the natural result of doing something, of actually living. Maybe we need to get to the point where we feel it the burn, and take a minute to look at what we’ve just accomplished and say “Wow! Look what I just did!”

That said, there are ways that we can help curb those feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted and lacking motivation.

1. Plan ahead. Let’s face it most things aren’t a surprise. Even when we’re not explicitly told that certain things need to get done we still know. So plan ahead. Make a list of all the stuff that needs to be done and work backwards from your due date. Factor in a few buffer days for the unexpected and do what you can to stick to that timeline.

2. Balance. If you’ve planned your time right you’ll be able to work within boundaries. Time you spend on your project won’t have to leak over into your family or fun time. In fact, it shouldn’t. The quickest way to feel burnt out is to spend all your time doing the same thing to the neglect of the other important things or people in your life. Balance is important and to get that you need to set and stick to clear divisions in your time.

3. Take time off. By setting boundaries and striking a balance you’ll be able to take some much needed time off. During your down time choose activities that you enjoy, that allow you to really relax and clear your mind. Read a book, magazine or paper that is completely unrelated to your work or big project. Try meditating, yoga, running or walking. Clearing your mind occasionally will allow you focus on the task at hand when you get back to it.

4. Focus. Focus on what you’re doing when you’re doing it. Learn to say no to things that will take you away from what you need to get done. Don’t take on more tasks or projects until you’re done with the current one. There are some eloquent ways of saying no and it’s important to become a pro at doing this so you’re not caught off guard. Try things like:

“I’d love to help but I’m currently focused on this other project I have going. I’ll let you know when this one is done and we can talk about this then.”

“No, sorry I can’t I have committed myself to finishing _______ by the end of the month. If you still need help then feel free to check back with me.”

“Oh that sounds like fun but I won’t be able to attend. I’m taking a bit of time off to get lost in the great outdoors.”

5. Be realistic. If you’ve worked out your time and stuck to your plan but you still don’t think you’ll be able to finish on time be realistic with yourself and with the person/people you’re working with. Ask for an extension if you need one, and the sooner the better. As soon as you are aware that you won’t be able to meet the deadlines tell someone and work towards finding a solution that suits everyone.

Burnout doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing. If you are working your butt off to accomplish something you’re passionate about that’s great! When you’re done congratulate yourself and take some time off, even if it’s just a day or two. Take a breather and unwind before you get going on the next project.

See also:

You Think I’m Lucky Punk?

Seek Advice and Find Success

Motivation Handbook To Help Get You Back On Course

Photo courtesy of: Magnus

Snuff Burnout For Good is a post from: Serene Journey

Social rules are largely set forth by the masses. Social pressure ensures that you adhere to them since you’d certainly be made aware of stepping even the slightest bit out of bounds. A number of these social rules are good and work to keep us in check so we have a relatively smooth running society. But what about rules that don’t really matter? What about rules that don’t have huge societal consequences?

Most of us know that a large part of landing your dream job is to stand out from the crowd, be different, creative, unique; in other words think out of the box and break the rules. The reason most people don’t break the rules and choose to go with the norm is they are afraid of the ridicule and embarrassment they may face. On the other hand they may be faced with great results and by not thinking outside of the box and even ignoring the rules they’ll never know.

Here are some ways you can ease into giving rules the flick. Try out what suits you and see what comes of it, it likely won’t be as scary as you think.

1. Don’t take No for an answer. If you are applying for a job or are simply wanting to help someone if they tell you no, don’t take it. Tell them why you are the person for the job, go out on a limb and sell yourself. Throw out a suggestion of potentially taking a different position within the company than the one you applied for. Show how eager you are to work for this company and put yourself out there. I know for a fact that this has worked in the past.

2. Write in your books. I know there are a lot of people who already do this but I know I find it particularly difficult to do. Since you’re little you’re told not to write in your books. It’s a great way to turn a great book into a valuable resource. Do it! Live on the edge.

3. Interrupt, but don’t be obnoxious. Too often we sit by politely letting someone finish only to forget a question we were going to ask or we end up so lost we don’t even know where to being to try and sort out the confusion. Interrupt, politely and clarify early on in a lesson, meeting or conversation and avoid being lost from the beginning.

There are no right ways or wrong ways of doing most things. Break the rules and step out of your comfort zone and see what comes of it. You might be pleasantly surprised.

What rules can you think of that might just be worth breaking?

See also:

The Adult Tantrum

What’s Your Greatest Fear?

Do You Like To Cook, Read or Flip The Pages?

10 Life Truths You Should Be Aware Of If You’re Not Already

Photo courtesy of: charlottel

Giving Rules The Flick is a post from: Serene Journey

If you wake up, lay in bed for a while, schlep to the bathroom slowly get your coffee etc … your day pretty well follows suit.

If however, when you wake up you work out, hit the shower or get outside and start gardening your day takes a totally different direction.

The best way to start everyday is in exactly the manner you want your day to play out.

Ask yourself:

What will make me feel good about myself?

What can I accomplish if I get going right away?

What if I take it easy and take my time to get going?

How you answer these questions will help you figure out how you are going to start your day tomorrow. Give it some thought.

The best way to start my everyday:

Wake up, have tea with my husband, make the bed, get the kids up, make breakfast and lunches, clean up the kitchen and start the laundry. When I do this I feel great. In those first couple of hours of the day I feel I have actually accomplished something. This leaves the rest of the day for playing with kids, hanging out at the park, reading, writing, gardening or just taking it easy (without some of the guilt).

Now it’s your turn: what is the best way to start your everyday?

See also:
How To Be The Person You Want To Be

How To Make Early Mornings A Habit

Gratitude Journal: 30 Days To Happiness

Photo courtesy of: Rickydavid

The Best Way To Start Everyday is a post from: Serene Journey

Maybe you want to be healthier, nicer, live more in-the-moment, be happier, reconcile with a family member or just achieve more.

I’m all for positive change and making lives better. If it’s what will make you happy, do it!

It may seem pretty ambitious (or foolish) to even attempt to tell you how to change your life in one little post.

And I agree.

I also don’t think there is one simple recipe that will work for everyone. Changing your life sounds pretty epic and it depends on a lot of things such as: your desire, motivation, current circumstances and stage of life. But don’t let that discourage you, you can still make positive changes and it’s easier than you may be making it out to be.

Start small. Making an epic change, such as changing your life, isn’t something that can be done all at once, and indeed shouldn’t be done all at once. If you try to change too much too soon you’ll become overwhelmed and once the initial momentum has worn off you’ll likely get frustrated, demotivated and give up all together.

Be clear of what you want. “Changing my life” is a very broad statement. If you start this broad you may flounder with all the choices you have as to what you want to change. Reel yourself in and choose one specific thing to start with. Try something simple like saying hi to people in your neighborhood, writing in a gratitude journal, or walking around the block everyday. Whatever you choose to focus on do that and be successful at it.

You must have patience. This is my downfall. When I set out to do something I expect immediate results or results in a very short period of time. This isn’t realistic for a lot of things or a lot of people. Expecting immediate results will only deflate you and make you more likely to abandon your change no matter how likely it is that you’d eventually achieve it.   Change isn’t immediate, it takes work and it takes time to make it permanent.

Complete one and then move onto the next. It’s not a new theory that things feed into each other, momentum builds and what you’re doing becomes easier. Imagine how overwhelming it would be to be overweight, out of shape or just plain lazy and decide that you were going to run a marathon. Now imagine you’ve started at the same place but you’ve now made several small changes (substituted a salad for one of your meals each day, walked around the block once each day, reduced your pop intake to 1 can a week, etc etc) with time these small changes will result in you weighing a bit less, feeling more fit and being less lazy. Gradually that goal of running a marathon won’t seem so unrealistic.

While there’s no quick fix, magic pill, or magic wand to get you to your ideal life, small and steady really does win the race.

—
Read more about living the life you love and getting to where you want to be in Sherri’s book, Your Life: Live it. Love it.

Photo courtesy of: xavier donat

How To Change Your Life is a post from: Serene Journey

I’m very excited and happy for her as she has found a super great guy who obviously makes her very happy. This weekend was their social. An evening of music, drinking, eating and dancing in honor of them.

It was great fun. The dancing part in particular. My favorite of the evening was The Black Eyed Peas “I Got A Feelin’”.

This is my favorite song to dance to, the one song that I can really let go to. And I did. In front of a large crowd of people, the majority of whom I didn’t know, I let go. It felt great! It was liberating, and fun.

So I was thinking, we talk about it all the time but, when was the last time you really and truly danced like nobody was watching?

See also:

Go Ahead Make Your Day: 50 Ways To Make Today Shine

50 Things To Do With Your Kids When It’s -50C

7 Little Things That Make Me Disproportionately Happy

Photo courtesy of: mikebaird

Something We Preach But Rarely Do is a post from: Serene Journey

I’m just too tired.

I really don’t feel like it.

Procrastination is a common stress trap that a lot of us get caught in on a daily basis. I don’t think it’s the actual putting off of things that provides the stress but rather it’s the guilt associated with not finishing what we started.  I mean who doesn’t finish what they start right? Truth is a lot of us don’t, myself included.

Let’s take this past week for example. Our kids have been with Nana and Grandpa so it was a great opportunity to tackle some projects that just weren’t getting done. First on my list: finish the painted ladybugs that are the border to our kids’ chalkboard. Let’s see I drew them in pencil months and months and months ago! It only took me months and months to actually paint the bodies red and their heads black but the spots and an eye … yup those were finally done this week! I mean come on right? 4 little ladybugs taking close on a year to be completed that’s embarrassing. But it’s common to so many people.

Here are a few suggestions to help you overcome procrastination and get you headed in the right direction.

1. Start with a list. Walk around and capture everything that needs to get done but you are avoiding. Physically moving from room to room is best but mentally picturing each place is a close second. Write down each little project and if it helps write down an approximate amount of time it will take to complete. Estimating the time required is a great way to choose tasks later. When you have a spare 5 minutes choose a task that doesn’t require a whole lot of time such as tightening a door hinge or taking a box out to the garage. When you have a weekend to spare that’s a good time to focus on large projects such as servicing the car or painting a room. Here’s a checklist of house maintenance for fall to get you started.

2. Focus. It helps to turn off or get away from distractions. If you need to do something that requires a lot of concentration set aside some quiet time with no twitter, messenger, email or cell phones. If you have young kids try a pick a time when they are sleeping or otherwise out of your hair and taken care of.

3. Remove the friction. I’ve defined friction earlier as:

“Friction is the object, thought, or excuse that stands between you and what you would like to accomplish or need to get done. This friction greatly reduces the likelihood of actually doing something.”

Friction can be something as grand as not having a large enough vehicle to remove all the yard waste right then and there. As a result the waste sits in your yard for weeks or months. Friction can also be something as little as having to walk down a flight of stairs to reach the patio table and as such you never eat dinner outside during those warm summer months.

So identify the various sources of friction that interfere with your ability to accomplish tasks or activities. Once identified, work at getting rid of them so you can get more done and become more efficient at get closer to your end goal.

4. Get up and get moving. When you’ve completed the previous steps I’ve mentioned there is really only one thing left to do,  get up and do  something. It really comes back to wanting to get stuff done and wanting to finish what you start. Having loose ends hanging over you can lead to stress, anxiety and feelings of guilt. Start, do it and get things done.

I tend to do this kind of stuff in spurts. So when I’m motivated and in the mood if you will, I go at it hard, since I know it won’t last forever. If you’re the same way next time you get motivated, try starting with tasks you’re least excited about and get them out of the way. Tasks that you may actually enjoy or that are looking forward to tackling are left until the end when you may be running out of steam.

I hope you’ll give this a try next time you feel like putting something off.

Photo courtesy of: Rennett Stowe

Do You Fall Victim To This Common Source of Stress? is a post from: Serene Journey

What if I allowed myself to be happy even just for today?

What if I didn’t listen to the negative thoughts in my head?

What if I took one small step towards a goal that I know I can do yet seem to be procrastinating on?

What if I spent 30 minutes today writing and thinking about priorities, dreams, goals, and about what makes me happy?

What if today I phoned a friend just to chat?

What if I did one nice thing for a complete stranger?

What if for 24 hours I shut off the computer, TV and cell phone and interacted with real living and breathing human beings?

What if I celebrated my small successes instead of being down on myself for what still needs to be done?

What if I was content with what I had instead of wanting more?

What if I didn’t stress about what others thought of me and simply lived to be me?

Take a bit of time and think about how great things could be if you tackled a few of the “what if’s” above.

What questions would you ask yourself that I haven’t mentioned here?

Have You Ever Asked Yourself This Simple Question? is a post from: Serene Journey