How To Kill Your Disappointment
Ever have one of these days? You pull out the old mixer to start making a cake for a party starting in 3 hours. You plug it in and turn it on only to be greeted by a billow of smoke and a horrible screeching sound. That’s it, the mixer has packed in. You find yourself saying “Why today? Today of all days.”
Yes? Me too. It’s not only limited to mixers, cakes and parties though. It can be anything really. A TV that suddenly stops working, a bicycle chain that refuses to go back on a brand new bike, your computer crashes, the list can go on.
It’s only natural to get a bit upset. I would think the universes were aligning just to mess with me. It didn’t really matter if the item was old or not, I would get annoyed. It was only slightly more annoying when the item was new because, well, new items are supposed to last, aren’t they?
What happened to quality and workmanship? You’re certain mixers last for centuries with other people “why does this always happen to me?”
I’ve thought about this a fair bit and it all comes back to attachment (as most things that make us unhappy do).
The curse of attachment
When we buy something new we get ideas in our heads about how this item will work, how nice it will be to use, how it will last for years to come. This is where many of us begin down the path towards disappointment. We get attached to these ideas, consciously or not, and when things don’t go according to how we’ve played it out in our heads we are disappointed.
Life rarely goes according to plan. If you asked me 5 years ago where I would be in 5 years I would never have said a stay at home mom, with 2 kids and living in the same town we grew up in. I had a totally different plan. Plans change and situations change for better and for worse. The only way to avoid disappointment is to avoid attachment.
Don’t get hung up on “natural order”
There is a very fine line between avoiding attachment and not caring. To effectively avoid attachment I think you need to go in with realistic expectations. There is no “should” or “supposed to” there just is.
Too often we get so hung up on what we feel is the natural order of things that it’s difficult to accept anything else. Your car is newer than your neighbor’s car so it should last longer, right? Not necessarily. If that is how you’re thinking you’re getting hung up on your attachment to the idea of natural order. In general yes your new car will out last your neighbors old car but not because it should or is supposed to but rather because it did.
Shifting to acceptance
Accepting that things just happen and don’t necessarily have a large, complicated underlying reason as to why is actually quite liberating.
To help me shift towards accepting things for what they are, I ask “well why not today?” instead of “why today? today of all days”. Things don’t last forever. Everything around you is slowly decaying and will eventually, given enough time, no longer exist. For something to break today as opposed to 3 years from now is just how it is. If you get all worked up about it it’s not really because the thing broke but because our expectations were not met.
This little shift in perspective takes you from a powerless victim to an empowered participant. Like everything, it takes time to shift your thinking in this way. All I ask is that you observe what you’re thinking and feeling the next time something breaks or suddenly stops working. Then ask yourself “why not today?”.
See also:
How You Can Become A Catalyst For Change
Photo courtesy of: Anna Gay
14 Responses to “How To Kill Your Disappointment”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
LOL! Sherri, I am on your wave length. Just yesterday, my electric orange juicer broke. Yesterday afternoon, I bought a small glass hand juicer. I prefer the electric ones because of the wear and tear on my hands, but this will do until I can buy a better quality electric juicer than the last one. (Is there such a thing?)
Things used to be built to last. They had metal parts and could be repaired. This is no longer the case.
Having said that, I totally agree that shifting from attachment to acceptance is necessary.
I didn’t think I would end up poor, and in podunk central Texas, at 60. LOL! The only thing I can’t change is the 60. So, I will accept that. However, I am intent on changing the other parts.
Stay at home Mom with two precious boys sounds pretty wonderful to me! As for being in your hometown, you’ll find this funny. I couldn’t wait to leave my hometown, when I was younger. When I finally did, I really didn’t want to go, and now I would love to be back! Life is all backwards, isn’t it? Hugs to you!
Changing your thinking from “why today?” to “why not today?” is s subtle, but powerful mental shift. Like you pointed out, it removes you from the victim mentality to being an empowered soul. Kudos to you for making that change!
It reminds me of Lisis’ recent post about her shift from “why?” to “why not?”. I think it’s interesting how the same mental shift can be used to solve so many problems we encounter in life. Between the two of you, I’m starting to really love this whole concept of “why not”.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..It’s A Kind of Magic
Accepting what is is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Have you read Bryon Katie’s “Loving What Is”? The book changed my life!!
Positively Present´s last blog ..note to self: it’s okay to be happy
Hi Sherri.
I will also remember that about “why not today?” instead of “why today?”. That is a big change.
The natural order we view is the cause of many of our entitlement-type problems where we expect a certain routine to be in place, when it is mostly in place in our minds. Things go wrong at the worst time because we label it the “worst time”, and had plenty of time before it to prepare or improve upon what was there. It isn’t actually the “worst time”.
High-five for an anti-victim mentality.
Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Going With A Plan And Social Sharing Of Strengths
We want control.
We live such a tight organized life, that any disturbance to our schedule upsets us.
Three hours before a party is tight for example.
Our upsetness comes from being too busy to absorb these glitches. The string it too tight.
Only when I stopped overcommitting myself, I could become unattached as I had become a lot calmer.
For me being upset and considering things wrong when they don’t go to plan, shows me that I have taken on more than I can chew.
For me these are all symptoms and have me look at all what I am doing in my life and if it is time to cut back, again.
Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Questions, the doors to our hearts.
Our expectations, based on past conditioning, prevents us from living freely and fully. We become attached to our old beliefs and way of doing things that we are unable to live in the present. Indeed, making a shift to “why not today” puts power back into our hands in choosing to live deliberately from now on. Thanks for your inspiring idea!
Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Setting Intents with A Vision Board 11.11.2009
I like this mindset, Sherri – thank you for the idea!
I just had a “why today” moment this week when there was a recall on my car.
Who has time for these recalls?!
I’m with Wilma here, if we have too much on our plate, we lose focus and by rushing through our day the smallest hiccup can ‘ruin’ it and cause major upset.
Learning to slow down and evaluate what we’re doing is a step towards being calm and relaxed. So when the mixer breaks or your garden drainage system breaks, like ours did this week, we can choose our attitude in dealing with it. We are more equipped to say “why not today”.
Interesting how we relate to everything in our lives as being permanent, when it’s actually the opposite!
Ann-Marie´s last blog ..Ann-Marie on Answering questions truthfully
Lately, I am having this uneasy feelings, but can not pinpoint on one issue/direction. I am not sure why and how? does it happen to you?
Zengirl´s last blog ..13 ways to be compassionate
I’m of the mindset that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what that reason is. If the mixer breaks, then perhaps you were supposed to run out and pick up a cake instead of baking one. And while you are out perhaps you’ll meet somebody that will change your life. You never know what the universe has in store for us.
Eric´s last blog ..WIN a $25 Amazon Gift Card! 5 Weeks of Contests, 5 Chances to WIN
Thanks for this — those little reminders that everything’s impermanent can be frightening at first, but if we take a step back and see that our appliances and our bodies and everything else are just forms taken by life — which doesn’t change — I think that can be a source of peace.