Do You Fake It?
Enthusiasm that is!
There are certain things I really enjoy doing. Things I can get excited about and am enthusiastic about. Things like photography, writing, sewing, gardening and organizing. But there are also things I don’t really have an interest in yet I know others do.
So what do you do when someone comes up to you so enthusiastic about something for which you have no interest in at all? Do you fake it?
I do. I think to a certain extent I’ve always done it. I’ve been trying for the past few years to find out who I am, my authentic self as it were. In faking enthusiasm for certain things isn’t that being the exact opposite of what I’m trying to be? Isn’t it exactly inauthentic?
I suppose you could argue that yes, I am being inauthentic, but I would argue the opposite.
A few things I’ve discovered about myself so far are:
- I truly enjoy listening to people and learning more about their story.
- I am polite and kind.
- I care about people. I care about what makes them tick and what doesn’t, what gets them excited about getting out of bed in the morning and what they may dread.
It’s that last point in particular that does it for me.
Since I really do care about people, I don’t feel it’s hypocritical to be enthusiastic about what interests them even when I have no interest in it myself.
For example, my two year old loves hearing me sing the alphabet. I can tell you I’ve probably sung the alphabet a couple thousand times so far in his short little life. Am I overly excited about singing the alphabet, something I mastered thirty something years ago? No not in the least. But do I fake it? You bet I do. Each time I sing the alphabet, I do so with gusto, enthusiasm and a smile on my face. I do so because I love that it makes my son so happy, I love that I’m contributing to his learning and I love that he gets so excited over something so simple. In short I do it for him and that’s all I need.
Another example is listening to people talk about their hobbies or interests. I’m not particularly interested in sports or cars but I will show an interest because I’m interested in them. I care about them.
There is one catch, however, your interest in them should at least be genuine. If you really aren’t that interested in what makes people tick or just people in general you may very well come across as fake and even dismissive.
So next time someone shares some interesting news or a long awaited milestone should you get excited with them? Should you share in their joy?It can make you feel great, inspire you to do great things and deepen the connection with that other person. It’s not always about you. Be happy for them. But in doing so is it encouraging you to be inauthentic? What do you think?
See also:
Being A Rebel: Is It Killing Your Happiness?
3 Important Questions To Consider
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As an English language teacher, I sometimes have to fake enjoyment in certain aspects to keep the students encouraged. If I show my boredom, it would be disaster for the class.
Gordie Rogers´s last blog ..Forgiveness Is Selfish.
I think it’s only inauthentic if you pretend to be interested in the subject to the point where it seems like it’s one of your hobbies or interests, instead of just being happy for someone else.
As an example, suppose you’re dating someone who really likes baseball, but you don’t really care about it at all. An authentic person would nod and smile and listen as the other person talks about the game, would ask questions, would stay interested in the conversation…and might actually enjoy going to a game or two.
An Inauthentic person would pretend to be a great baseball fan, would profess their love of the game and the team, and might even buy a t-shirt or hat or something else with the team logo in order to make the other person believe they LOVED baseball. They’d learn all the rules, read up on the players, etc., and pretend to be a superfan. It would be fake, and it would wear off eventually.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Memories Best Left Forgotten
Well, enthusiasm is contagious, isn’t it? And, in my experience, faking it sometimes leads to the actual “authentic” feeling itself.
When I first started dating my husband, I realized quickly that for him, cars are his life. I wasn’t wholly sure about them at that point myself. In the end, I decided I needed to give them my best shot, since they’re so important to him.
Now, I’m pretty much car crazy myself. I don’t fake interest in it whatsoever, I totally love going and doing car stuff and going to car events and all that. (I kept him and a friend company this weekend for a few hours while they did a brake change on our car — no whining or complaining from me. Few girls we know could have done that, if any.)
Sometimes things catch on that you didn’t think would, or things you tried before just in a different way. But I sure don’t see enthusiasm as something you can really, truly fake, for too long anyhow.
Foxie //CarsxGirl´s last blog ..Does this make me look ricey?
Hey Sherri.
I certainly do, with respect to the question, but can’t say it is fake when I do it. I tend to see it like someone else is bringing big action, and I like to support big action because I tend to stay in a state of high-energy. Regardless of what they are doing, if they are excited about it, it means they are in a solid state of effort, which is what I am glad to join in on.
It isn’t good to suck other people’s energy away when they have a lot of it, because there is a good sharing of energy that can occur, and then you can return back to your activity with vigor. Also, any signs of high energy or enthusiasm are refreshing, as they are not common.
Thanks for this good question that makes a point.
@ Gordie – Good point!
@ Jay – “I think it’s only inauthentic if you pretend to be interested in the subject to the point where it seems like it’s one of your hobbies or interests, instead of just being happy for someone else.” That’s exactly what I was trying to say here. If you do fake it to the point of where you pretend it is your hobby, you won’t be able to keep it up and you’ll come across as fake.
@ Foxie – It’s good to hear that you found a new love out of showing an interest in what someone else loves as well.
@ Armen – That’s a good point about not being a downer towards someone who is excited about something or showing enthusiasm. It is contagious and you’re right it’s not that common.
This is what awakening is–it’s the falling away of the false so that we can be the innocence we always were. In my experience, it is with awareness and letting go–letting go of beliefs, opinions, thoughts, the past, particular experiences, even the desire to be authentic–that brings me back to authentic innocence.
Kaushik´s last blog ..Innocence…
Armen said exactly what I was thinking! I definitely think that you can be supportive and enthusiastic about someone’s interests and successes without actually getting into their subject of inspiration.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Get Organized
I think there is a distinction to be made here.
If I fake an interest to only serve my interest or to make an impression so I look good to get my way, than it is inauthentic and I am out of integrity.
I give a false inpression that wil not serve.
However when a friend is enthusiastic about something, I am enthusiastic about my friend’s enthusiasm AND that is clearly seperate from being enthusiastic about the topic and again I see a distinct difference there.
To be genuinely interested in why a person loves a certain thing when I cannot see anything attractive in that, is okay in my books as long as they do not try to convert me to their taste or expect me to be converted.
That is different again too.
It all boils down to who is engaged here, your loving heart or an out of integrity mind.
Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Part 1. Hate making requests? You’d better get over it. They are key to having you fly.
I agree, Wilma! You can still support someone with the preface of, “I really don’t know anything about getting a pilot’s license, but I can see it means a lot to you. Cheers to you!”
I have to fake it an awful lot… with my son. He can talk to me for hours about LEGO kits, or Fantastic Contraptions, or the Cat Warrior book series he’s reading… each character, each clan, every twist and turn in the plot.
He LOVES this stuff; it sets his soul on fire. I could be honest and say, “That’s great for you, but I’m not really into that.” But instead, I learn the cat names, the clan names, the plots, the contraptions and the LEGO kits because I want to share in his enthusiasm. I want him to have someone to talk to that really understands how much these little things mean to him.
I’ve started applying that “fake it till you make it” policy to my husband’s interests as well, and I’m finding that he feels more validated, and I’m learning all kinds of interesting new stuff I never would’ve thought to get into.
At first I was going to agree with Jay 100%, but I’m thinking there are exceptions, depending on our intent.
Lisis´s last blog ..Inspiration: Nobody Trips Over Mountains
@ Wilma – “It all boils down to who is engaged here, your loving heart or an out of integrity mind.” That’s EXACTLY what I was trying to say but you put it much more eloquently than I did.
@ Lisis – “I want him to have someone to talk to that really understands how much these little things mean to him.” LOVE this. It hit me over the head and I thought THAT’S it. To be the person who understands, who really gets, my kids. Perfect. Thank you!