Should Personal Development Come With A Warning Label?
When I started out on this journey to make personal changes, I thought “Great what could possibly go wrong?”
When I started writing here and sharing tips on enjoying life everything was great. Everyone I’ve met who writes about personal development has been very positive, welcoming and encouraging. Most importantly, you, the people who invite me into your world a few times each week have been incredible.
Despite all of this positivity I can’t help but wonder, is personal development all it’s cracked up to be? Is it really worth all the effort? Can you really be happier by changing, tweaking, redefining, and navel gazing for days, weeks, months, or years on end?
I don’t know the answers for sure but here are a few things I have observed on my journey so far.
1. Too much introspection is not necessarily a good thing. When you are so focused on fixing what you feel you need to fix it’s only natural that all those good qualities begin to fade away (not the qualities themselves, of course, but your own consciousness of them). Pin-pointing what in particular is making you unhappy is good. Awareness is what gives you something to work towards. Something to improve on. But if all you do is focus on what needs improving isn’t that all you see?
For example, imagine you wanted to work on being more outgoing and not so socially awkward. By focusing on that and that alone you may become so wrapped up in it that you lose sight about the fact you’re a talented writer, painter, photographer, or are brilliant at helping people in a more intimate setting – one on one coaching or tutoring. So while yes, it’s important to be aware of your “weaknesses” or aspects of yourself that you would like to improve, I think it’s equally as important to remind yourself of what you are great at and celebrate it occasionally.
2. Deeper awareness that nothing lasts forever, even you! Giving thought to our own mortality isn’t something a lot of people do on a regular basis. I would argue that most people walk through life knowing somewhere in the back of their mind that they will die “one day”. Those same people likely foresee it happening when they are 94 years old and asleep in their bed. If you have spent anytime reading on the topic of personal development you’ll know that the phrase “live in the present moment” is huge. As is “all we have is right now the future is entirely unknown” and… it’s entirely true.
We don’t know what the future holds. We may die tomorrow, we may not. We may live to 130, we may not. Constantly having your own mortality before you is a little unnerving. It can really bring you down if you let it.
3. The road is long and can be lonely. You can head down the path of personal development but it’s a one way street. You can’t unlearn, unread, or un-know something. Once you start down the road you’re committed. As you head further along that path you will inevitably leave some people behind in this regard. This isn’t a bad thing. Personal development isn’t for everyone and that’s entirely okay! We are all certainly entitled to our opinions and to choose what we focus on in our own time. A lot of people are quite content with what they have and where they are at in their lives and more power to them. I want more.
It’s important not to force your views on those that choose not to begin down this road. You run the risk of sounding too preachy which can isolate you even further. The upside of this is you are able to choose who you surround yourself with. Seeking out like minded people can be really helpful and can give you that feeling of being understood.
4. You lose your excuses. Okay so this one isn’t so bad, in my opinion, but a warning none the less. The deeper you delve into personal development the more you are encouraged to take accountability and responsibility for what happens to you. It’s actually very empowering. When you start seeing the things you do as the choices YOU are making, good or bad, you have no one to blame but yourself.
As an example, you’re angry at the kids for returning an empty milk carton to the fridge. In reality you are actually choosing to be angry. You don’t have to be. The world is not going to end because there’s an empty milk carton in the fridge. It’s annoying sure, but still the world will not end. A hole in the space-time continuum will not spontaneously appear because the dog barfed on the carpet or the car has a flat tire. You begin to see that “she makes me so angry” isn’t true at all. “She” is just being “she” and you are choosing to be angry at what she’s doing because it doesn’t live up to your expectations. And that’s all you.
Do I regret embarking on this little journey of mine? Not in the least. You can choose to look at everything negatively – What’s the point? There’s no guarantees so why bother? It doesn’t matter if I’m here or not the world will continue to spin either way so again, why bother? Or you can choose to see it as a positive growth experience which is a great thing. Since starting my journey I find that I’m a lot happier, I am more grateful for all that have (not just material possessions), I am a lot less controlling and I’ve “chilled out” quite a bit. I love to learn and I find it fascinating that even though I spend all of my time with me…I know very little 
What do you think, should personal development come with warning labels? What other warnings would you share if you could?
See also:
The Grass Is Always Green Right Under Your Feet
Can You Really Live Each Day Like It’s Your Last?
Photo courtesy of: B_Tal
8 Responses to “Should Personal Development Come With A Warning Label?”
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Are you *sure* “A hole in the space-time continuum will not spontaneously appear because the dog barfed on the carpet” ?
I mean, it’s possible, right? How can we know that the specific chemicals in the dog’s barf, when combined with the residues of the cleaning agents in the carpet, won’t react violently, thereby ripping a hole in the universe through which all of creation will fall to it’s destruction?
I mean, really, Sherri. That’s just irresponsible journalism! Creating a false sense of safety when in fact, we are all in constant danger of the impending doom of the dog barf/cleaning agent vortex!!
OK, seriously, a great article. Thanks for writing this, and sharing it. My main issue with the whole “self development” issue is that people think it’s easy. Change, even change you do to yourself, takes a lot of hard work! People think they can just read a book (or a blog) and they will instantly feel better. It takes a lot of effort, too!
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..The National WWII Museum
@ Jay – You’re hilarious! I suppose I don’t know for sure in every circumstance you’re right. But it has been my experience (and with two dogs that have very touchy stomachs I have many experiences) that dog barf does not in fact cause a hole through which all creation will fall to it destruction.
I agree completely that it’s not easy. There is a lot of work involved. It is one thing to read about personal development and think oh that’s nice and walk away. It’s something completely different to read it, tweak it to suit you and then apply it and follow through. It’s definitely worth the effort but you’re right it’s not a quick fix it takes effort.
Thank you for your comment
Oh, there is all sorts of turmoil. Fears are released, and I am no longer afraid to make decisions that turns life upside down. As Adyashanti says, be prepared to lose your world. In my experience, it’s been helpful not to think of it as personal development–there isn’t any particular improvement goal. Just awareness and release.
A very insightful article–thanks!
Kaushik´s last blog ..Call off the Struggle
Great post! This made me think a lot about personal development and the pros and cons of it. It’s such an interesting topic and I really enjoyed the way you explored it here!
Positively Present´s last blog ..a rain-soaked realization: are you living in YOUR moment?
Wonderfully thought-provoking post! It’s funny… I’ve been involved in self-development as long as I can remember, and even in college, always chose the classes that would “dig me up” (my mom always said that it was “unhealthy”- tee hee!) But I must confess, I do tend to overanalyze everything, which sometimes makes things a little more topsy turvy than is necessary, and I definitely struggled for some time with the whole mortality piece. But I’d much rather be wide awake than be half asleep.
I think where some people get misdirected is thinking that there’s an end to it all, where a bolt of lightening will flash and ta-da,we’re “there.” The truth is, the road isn’t just long… it’s infinite… but it’s truly about honoring the journey…
Lisa´s last blog ..Creativity= letting go of the “how.”
Sherri, this is a fantastic point. You can’t get so caught up in self-development that you forget to actually live. It can become an unhealthy obsession like everything else. However, I would not have discovered many of the great ideas and made the many positive changes in my life had I not begun this journey. Like most things I do, I overdid it at first, but I think now I have found a healthy balance.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..The Best Ways To Not Sweat The Small Stuff – Part I
I don’t know about the dog barf, but the cat barf in my life hasn’t caused any rifts in the time/space continuum. Seriously, though, you do make some good points about personal development, its pros and cons. We all have things about ourselves that need a little tweaking but too much navel-gazing is not good for the soul. It can have a deleterious affect on our interactions with others, you just have to remember that on the road to self development you don’t run over family and friends.
Thank you all for your lovely and thoughtful comments. You make really great points!
**Awareness and release.
**There is no magic finish line: ta-da you’re there and personally developed.
**Don’t let it become an unhealthy obsession.
**On the road to self development don’t run over your family and friends
These are all great thank you!