So you think you’ve got it bad — life sucks and it’s throwing everything at you. It’s not fair, certainly things should be better than this. What could you possibly have done to deserve this?
We all feel that way sometimes when things don’t go our way or it seems like the universe is aligning against us. We look at others and they appear to have it so easy and everything just falls into their lap without them even trying. It’s so unfair.
Okay. Maybe it does suck and maybe it is unfair but you have a choice on how to react to what’s happening in your life. It’s usually not immediately obvious that you have a choice and you’ll probably disagree with me at first, but you do actually have a choice.
Our story
Last year we went through very stressful times when selling our house. We had built a new house in a newer suburb and lived there for two years before realizing we didn’t really like the area. We decided we wanted to downsize, return to the town where we both grew up and all before our eldest son entered school. This gave us nearly 5 years to make the move but with the property market being so hot we decided not to wait.
In the weeks before we listed our home it wasn’t uncommon for a house to be sold within hours of going on the market, often for ridiculous amounts. Buyers needed to make offers well above the asking price just to have their offer even considered. Good news right? Well, we missed that peak by 2 weeks. When we listed there were no buyers. Almost overnight, none of the houses in our neighborhood were selling. And that’s when I was laid off.
The company I worked for had to significantly reduce their workforce in order to keep afloat and I was one of the chosen ones to be let go. We were also going to lose Sherri’s income as her maternity leave benefits were about to run out and she also wouldn’t be earning an income any time soon. She was pregnant with our next little lad, so no maternity leave this time. That would leave us with no income. Zilch, zero, nil, none.
There’s never a good time to be laid off…but this one truly couldn’t have come at a worse time. Would the bank still give us a mortgage for the new house if I wasn’t employed? Doubtful.
So how would you respond to this situation? Would you be angry? Resentful? What would your parting message be to the company and the remaining employees?
My choice
Here’s my parting email (slight changes underlined to protect identity)
Hi (CompanyName-)imians,
It’s with great regret that I must inform you that you will no longer be enjoying the privilege of my company. I feel for you as I would hate to be without me too but I’m lucky enough to be wherever I go.
Kidding aside (yes that was my attempt at humor) I wish all of you the best in the future. I hope that with these changes you’ll all find the success you deserve. You’re a great bunch of people and I’ll miss you all.
My personal email address is gwynn.serenejourney@gmail.com in case you wanna get a hold of me.
Cheers,
GwynnPS. I’ll probably sucker someone into arranging a lunch sometime next week to say a final goodbye.
So what was the outcome?
Well first of all, I felt great writing this email. It felt good to find a way to be positive and to try cheer people up in an otherwise stressful situation. The people who weren’t laid off felt good reading the message and all responded so positively, that I was really touched. They felt guilty for not being laid off and were relieved to see that I was taking it so well. And then something unexpected happened.
People were jumping at the opportunity to help me find a new position. There was such a huge response that I actually had to turn down help because I was overloaded with applications and interviews. Within a few weeks I had found another position with a more stable company doing much better work.
We sold our house within 8 weeks of listing and were glad to get out. The bank was okay with the fact I was in a new position and on probation because I was still working in the same field. Our new house is older, smaller, and farther from work but we’re so much happier back in our old neighborhood. And now we have a pool! Woo-hoo!
So everything turned out really well in the end, but I wonder what would have happened had I chose to not send that email. How differently would things have turned out had I chose to send an angry parting email?
Sometimes life just sucks. Sometimes it feels like it’s picking on you. But from this experience I’ve learned that how you choose to react to a situation makes all the difference in the world. The outcome may not be perfect, but it’s a lot better than the alternative.
If you’ve been affected by the downturn in the economy or housing crisis the experience I wrote about here may hit really close to home. My heart goes out to you as it’s a terribly stressful experience and I don’t want to belittle what you’re going through. How you handle your own situation is up to you–the point I’m making is that in our situation I received the unexpected (but welcomed) benefit of people helping us out as a direct result of reacting to the situation in a positive way.
See also:
Grab the Reins and Enjoy Your Life
How To Be The Person You Want To Be
Stand Your Ground, But Only On The Important Stuff
Photo courtesy of: orangejack
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Comments
Gwynn,
What a great way to make the best of a difficult situation!
I don’t know but it reminds me of a story about the Dalai Lama. An interviewer asked him “When was the happiest time of your life?” He paused for a moment and said “Right now.” I pretty sure if you asked him the same question five years in the past or future, you would get the same answer.
Roger – A Content Life’s last blog post..Staying Open-Minded With Others
Well said, Gwynn! As Nadia often points out to me, we receive back what we give out. It’s a spiritual truth in many different tradions, but even without going all metaphysical or spiritual here, you’ve wonderfully illustrated that it’s just a basic fact of life: You get what you give.
Because you sent out kindness, it made people feel good, and they returned that kindness to you. If only everyone could be so wise and thoughtful!
Jay Schryer’s last blog post..The First Swim of Summer
What a fantastic post to read this morning! You are right on the money, Gwynn– “You response is your responsibility” I love thinking of that quote because when we start feeling out of control of things happening in our lives, we can always have control over our response to it– and just like you illustrated the way we respond deeply impacts what comes next into our life (blessings abound!).
Lisa @ WellGrounded Life’s last blog post..5 Major Pitfalls of Dieting
You make a great point here. You can choose how you react to any situation. You can make a bad situation better and you can make a decent situation worse. It’s up to you.
Positively Present’s last blog post..let’s go! 5 steps for getting on the road to your goal
Thanks for the kind words everyone!
@Roger – The Dalai Lama’s got some skills. To be able to say “right now is the happiest time of my life” and to actually mean it is such a huge accomplishment. I’m closer to this stage than I’ve ever been before but I have such an incredibly long way to go yet.
@Jay – I couldn’t agree more. I would take it a step further and say that you sometimes get more than you give. The email I sent may have brightened someone’s day but the assistance with job offers made a massive difference to us.
@Lisa – Your comment makes me think of how Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, or Viktor Frankl each found themselves in situations where they had very little control. They each chose an admirable response to their situations and ended up having a huge positive impact on the world as a result. And thanks for the quote – I love short phrases that sum up a great idea!
@Positively Present – Well put. The first step is to become aware that you have a choice. The next step is to gain enough awareness in a stressful situation to actually make that choice.
Glad to have helped your post with the photo. Thank you for the attribution!
As for your post, you’re absolutely right – we don’t have much to do with what happens to us, but we can choose how to react to it.
Wonderful post (and admirable approach). It remind’s me of Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning.” I cannot imagine the stress you were under during those uncertain days. I’m so glad you are past that phase now.
=-)
Lisis | Quest For Balance’s last blog post..Adventure: Persistence and Determination
Gwynn, you responded with grace in a difficult situation, and you were rewarded. I’m impressed!
Great story, Gwynn.
Good for you for being patient from the start. I remember when the Manitoba housing market was so hot. It really did seem to switch off overnight; I had some other friends caught in a bad position because of it.
David Cain’s last blog post..Get Up, Stand Up
@Rob – That’s a great photo you’ve taken. Thanks for making the photo available under your CC license.
@Lisis – Great minds must think alike — I mentioned Viktor Frankl in my reply was to Lisa.
Part of me is grateful that the stress is over and another part of me feels that I shouldn’t be stressed at all in that kind of situation. It’s only money…right?
@Mary – Thanks for the comment. It was a good learning experience and has left me better prepared for when the next difficult situation comes our way.
@David – I’m sorry to hear that your friends got caught up in the market downturn as well. I hope it worked out for them.
Thanks for inspiring us all with your letter and with this post. Sometimes I do find it hard to choose how I’d react when everything really sucks. But your story proves to show that life doesn’t have to suck, especially when we choose the better path
Jocelyn of I TAKE OFF THE MASK’s last blog post..How Do You Treat a Bad Person?
Gwynn, this is so true! If you want a positive life you have to have a positive attitude. There’s just no other way. If you’re negative then whatever life you have or whatever it throws your way is going to suck. Great story!
Ian | Quantum Learning’s last blog post..Falling in love does not make you telepathic
@Jocelyn – I know what you mean. I sometimes have a hard time choosing how to react but in this case it came naturally and seemed like the right thing to do.
@Ian – I’m finding that out more and more. It’s often said that “you get what you give” but I think there’s a lot of wisdom in that somewhat overused phrase.