Form Meaningful Relationships
With the ever expanding world of social media many new relationships are made every day. For some, the need and desire to get out to meet people is dwindling however, I would argue that nothing compares to getting out and meeting people face to face. It’s this personal interaction that can form and solidify a real, deep and meaningful connection, but these types of relationships are difficult to find.
There are many types of relationships. There are intimate relationships you have with loved ones, family and very close friends, these types of relationships are generally few and far between. Acquaintances are a little easier to come by. You may touch base with these people from time to time but don’t really know them all that well and in general they fade fast. Building, nurturing and maintaining meaningful relationships is one of the best things we can do.
Types of relationships
The whirlwinds. These are people you meet once, have a great time with or are awe-struck by, and then never see again. It could be a brush with a celebrity or someone you really respect and look up to. It could also simply be a great person you happened to cross paths with. A lot of my whirlwind relationships have been formed on tours while on holiday. If you’ve ever travelled and taken a local tour then you know what I’m talking about. You spend either the afternoon, a day, two days or more with a dozen or so people. Without fail you end up chit chatting with a few of them sharing stories and experiences and at the end of the tour you all go your separate ways and that’s it. I’ve met some really wonderful people this way none of whom I’ve kept in contact. These relationships were fleeting there was no real substance but they were great people and I’m happy I got to spend a bit of time with each of them.
The acquaintances. These are people you know, touch base with occasionally but don’t spend a lot of time with. There are a few levels on the acquaintance scale; from people you say hello to as you walk past them in the hallway at work to those you eat lunch with every day but the relationship rarely goes beyond that. Typically you call these people infrequently and don’t spend a whole lot of time with. These relationships tend to be rather superficial and rarely go beyond simple pleasantries.
The rocks. These are the people who will be there for you no matter what, they are your rocks, your pillars. Take care of these relationships as it’s rare to have more than a few of these kinds of people in your life. The rocks are the people you go to because you enjoy their company, you don’t expect anything from them apart from some good conversation and that is reciprocated. You genuinely look forward to their company and at the end of your time together you feel relaxed, calm and good. These relationships don’t feel like hard work to maintain, when you find someone with whom everything just clicks, it’s easy.
Finding and establishing meaningful relationships
First, establish what a meaningful relationship isn’t. Take stock of all the relationships you currently have. For each one ask yourself:
- Does this relationship exist purely out of convenience?
- Are you filling a void for the other person?
- Is that other person filling a void for you?
- Is it a take, take and take some more relationship either on your part or theirs?
- Do you start to feel down about yourself when you are around them?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions then I’d wager a guess that the relationship you are examining isn’t that meaningful as it stands right now, there are too many conditions. But it can be saved, if indeed you want it to be. Do you care for the person enough to want to change it and have them around in a more positive way?
Second, define what a meaningful relationship is to YOU. To find the rocks, those pillar people that you can form long lasting and meaningful relationships with you need to understand what that means to you. There are a few qualities that are characteristic of a meaningful relationship:
- mutual respect
- mutual trust
- honesty
- good conversation (i.e. communication)
- patience
- thoughtfulness
- make you feel good, positive and uplifted
The relationships I have and that I consider to be meaningful have all of the qualities listed above. I also dislike complexity so by maintaining all of these qualities my relationships work really well. Apart from my immediate family there are only a few people (less than 5) that I would consider to be very close friends, my pillars. I admit that I’m not as good as I could be, or indeed should be, at building and strengthening those relationships but no body’s perfect…not even me! 
and it gives me something to work on and improve.
Look for someone you can befriend without expectations, where there are no strings attached – you enjoy each others company and that is enough. To form a meaningful relationship you need to be willing to open yourself up and let someone into your life. If you have someone you share a meaningful relationship with be sure to spend time with them everyday or every week working on it, communicate and deepen that bond you share.
Every person we meet is another living breathing human being and we’re all in search of the same thing…happiness, the feeling of belonging and acceptance. Reach out, find a commonality, be open, genuine and accepting. Get to really know someone, find common interests and get lost in a great conversation. Show love, give love and accept love is one of the best things you can do to form a relationship of deeper meaning that will last a long, long time.
See also:
Get Rich, Stay Rich – Emotional Bank Accounts
My Family Rules! 5 Rituals To Establish a Close Knit Family
3 Important Questions To Consider
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17 Responses to “Form Meaningful Relationships”
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Thank you for this meaningful post. It’s wise to examine our relationships and take a look at what we’re giving, receiving, and how good they make us feel.
I’ve been going through this exercise lately and have a category between acquaintances and the rocks…I’m not sure what to call it. Socials? These are friends that I enjoy spending time with but may not be the first few I call when I really need help…although I know I could, I’m just closer to a handful of others who are in the rock category.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s last blog post..An Important Interpersonal Skill
As I was reading this, I realized that this is what I am missing in my life most of all right now. Although I am blessed to have many, many good friends, some of whom I have known for 30+ years, most of them live incredibly far away from me, and so I never get to see them. Of course, we talk on the phone, and we email back and forth, but it’s just not the same. I miss that face-to-face interaction…shared glances, shared smiles, shared laughter, high-fives, shaking hands, hugs, etc.
The face-to-face interaction is vitally important. In fact, I think it might even be deeply ingrained into our evolutionary biology..a survival of the species thing. Interaction with our “tribe” or our “clan” is necessary (I believe) for a full, happy, and healthy life.
One of my favorite parts of life is meeting (in person) someone that I have gotten to know online, and really connecting with them on a personal level. It’s a surreal feeling, meeting an “old friend” for the first time
Jay Schryer’s last blog post..My Near Death Experience
These are excellent questions to ask ourselves about relationships and I just love the way you’ve laid out the different types of relationships and defined them. Beautifully done!
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
Positively Present’s last blog post..who am i? who are you?
Sherri,
I like your advice. I particularly liked
“Is that other person filling a void for you?”
I think I sometimes look to others to some how make me feel better when I’m really the only one that can make me feel better.
Roger – A Content Life’s last blog post..Flow
Great advice, Sherri. I have always been fascinated with how some people do not want a meaningful friendship. I am the kind of person who tends to be an open book and I can be intense in my love of life. That scares a lot of people and I never have been able to understand that. I mean..I do but I cannot relate to it. Reading your post made me happy to know that there are other people out there who desire meaningful relationships! Thank you.
Nadia-Happy Lotus’s last blog post..Happy Earth Day!!!!
Great practical insight on relationships. Thanks for writing this, Sherri.
Kleigh’s last blog post..
Hi Sherri,
“Whirlwinds” is exactly what some people are to us, and what we are to some people. It makes my life easier to accept that we cannot be friends with everybody and it’s okay for people to come and go from each other lives. When we can let go of most people, we have time for the few who truly matter.
Daphne’s last blog post..7 Kreativ Posts on the Dance of Life
@ Laurie – I was thinking about adding another layer in there because when I did this type evaluation there were some that yes were a bit more than acquaintances but certainly not rocks. I didn’t want to over complicate it but I like your idea of the socials. That would be a great 4th category.
@ Jay – I too have many good friends that live over seas. The thing that saddens me a bit about that is that a couple of them would be in the rock category if only they weren’t so far away. But now a days with Twitter, IM and webcams that distance is shortened dramatically. I have yet to meet any of my online friends but I look forward to it someday and I’m sure it will be like meeting an old friend for the first time.
@ P.P. – Thanks! I’m glad you liked it!
@ Roger – Very good point. We search and search and search but the very thing we are searching for 9 times out of 10 is already within. There’s a lot of things we can get from people but there is equally as many things we just have to get from within ourselves.
@ Nadia – It’s pretty sad when happiness and a zest for life turns people off. I can’t really relate to it either and you are certainly not alone in wanting meaningful relationships
@ Kleigh – Welcome! I’m glad you liked the post thanks so much for leaving a comment!
@ Daphne – Excellent point. I was asking myself well why not strive to make all relationships rocks? and the best I could come up with was that it may detract from the specialness of my current rock relationships. When something is rare you tend to treasure it more if it becomes mainstream you may start to take it for granted.
Hi, Sherri! This was a beautiful post… truly. As you know I spent this past weekend with one of my life-long “Rocks” which rejuvenated my soul like nothing else can. I feel very blessed to have even ONE rock, and your post reminded me I need to take another look at some of my “acquaintances” to see how many of those WOULD be rocks in my life if only I took the time to nurture those relationships.
Looks like I’ve got some soul searching to do…
Lisis | Quest For Balance’s last blog post..The Beginner’s Guide to EXTREME Candle Meditation
@ Lisis – Thank you I’m glad you liked it. I’m glad to hear your visit went so well and it was so rejuvenating. Good luck with your soul searching…it’s only a good thing.
Thanks for this post. I appreciated what you said about not wanting a lot of complexity in your relationships. For me, the best way to take the sense of “work” out of my relating with people is to be as honest as possible, and let go of my sense of responsibility for how people feel. I can still care about them, without feeling like it’s my job to make sure they never feel sad or angry.
Sherri,
Thank you very much for this post. It is definitely a good reminder of something I need to work on – enhancing the positivity in my life, and eliminating the negativity, even when it comes in the form of another person. And I’m definitely trying to get more in touch with the people that I *can* touch – my local family and friends.
@ Chris – Welcome! You said it so succinctly “I can still care about them, without feeling like it’s my job to make sure they never feel sad or angry.” That’s exactly it. We are all ultimately responsible for ourselves and really no one else. You can contribute to how they feel and make your interaction with them a positive one but you should really limit what you take on board personally. Thank you so much for your comment.
@ Sarah – Welcome! It’s never too late to start mending or rebuilding relationships that may have gone a bit stale. It’s super if you can be mindful enough to get in touch with friends and family particularly the ones that are physically close to you and be grateful for each one and not take them for granted. Good luck with building on what you’ve started.
I am very relationship-oriented, maybe even a connoisseur of relationships. And this is a really good post. I too see community and relationships as fundamental to a high quality of life, i.e. a diamond-cut life (high in joy, low in consumption).
Alison Wiley, Diamond-Cut Life’s last blog post..Being A Good Lover