8 Tips On Dealing With Anger

Have you ever thought about what’s really behind anger? I’ve recently spent some time thinking about it and have come to the conclusion that it boils down to this:

Anger is an emotion that arises as a result of your inability to control something.

Give it a try. Think about times in your past where you’ve gotten angry or agitated at something or someone. The guy that cut you off in traffic, when you were late for work as the bus didn’t arrive on time or when you were laid off from your job due to downsizing. There are numerous examples. What is common among all of them is the lack of control you have over the outcome or particular circumstance.

There is actually very little that we have control over. Realize this and things will stop getting to you so much. Life would be pretty boring if we always got what we wanted and everything just worked out. With that in mind, here are some tips I use whenever a situation arises that makes me feel a little angry.

1. Expect anger. It’s a normal emotion that will crop up every once in a while and should be expected.
2. Visualize exhaling anger. When angry, breathe in deeply and imagine that breath is soaking up the anger. Then breathe out visualizing the anger leaving your body.
3. Count to 10. Create a gap between what’s causing you to be angry and your response. Slowly counting to 10 (or perhaps a higher number ) can refocus your attention on something else. That redirection of your attention can create enough of a gap for you to get composure. It’s all about responding NOT reacting.
4. Apologize and mean it. When I get angry I tend to get quiet, but every now and then I’ll say something in a harsh tone. I try to apologize when I do this since it doesn’t fit with the type of person I want to be. My apology comes from the heart and I truly am sorry for not behaving the way I want to.
5. Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up too much. People get angry and it’s a natural response.
6. Does it matter? You’re angry about something – does that something matter? Are you going to remember this 5 years from now? How much time are you willing to give up to the current feeling of anger? 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 years?
7. Move on. Live in the present moment. If you hang onto the anger you’ll be living in the past. Worse yet, you’ll also be giving up your future by spending more time than you want to focusing on what triggered your anger. The faster you can move on, the faster you can get on with life.
8. Get sleep. The next time you’re angry ask yourself if you got enough sleep the night before. If the answer is no, then perhaps you’re not really angry at what just happened but are instead grumpy from a lack of sleep. A full nights rest will put you in a good frame of mind and you will likely be less angry than otherwise.

Now these tips are the things I do when I’m ticked. I’m not an angry person, so the tips above are enough to get me out of my funk. If you have deeper anger issues please consider getting professional help as these tips may not be appropriate. For something more substantial try reading American Psychological Association – Controlling Anger Before It Controls You.

“Anger is an emotion that arises as a result of your inability to control something.” Yes, this is a pretty broad statement and there are likely examples where this doesn’t quite ring true. If you have an example of something that has gotten you angry that doesn’t fit this I’d love to hear it.

Photo courtesy of: Piez

See also:

10 Tips For A Successful Meditation

Grab the Reigns and Enjoy Your Life

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Is Keeping Score Making You Unhappy?

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Stop making me angry!