Grab the Reins and Enjoy Your Life

We all know people who are negative. We also know that hanging around these people leaves us feeling down, low, depressed and even exhausted. They are the ones who blame everyone else or other events for their misfortunes or current state of unhappiness. To these people life and things happen TO them. They are not active participants in their own lives. They are victims.

You may see yourself in the description of “they” above. I was certainly one of “those” people, not something I’m particularly proud of. I used to blame everyone else or even past events in my life when I was the victim. They were all convenient excuses to hide behind and in some way justify why the world owed me a favor.

It wasn’t until I began pointing the finger at myself and asking – What did I do to get into this situation? Or-how could this possibly be my fault?, that I realized playing the victim is such a passive, unproductive and unhappy approach to living life.

We all have just one life and I hate to break it to you but, it’s a short one. Whether we have a month left, a year, or 80 it is but a blink of an eye. Don’t you think it would be much more satisfying to look back on your life and think “I played an active role in every single experience that I had” or that “I woke up each and every morning eager to create a fond memory or push my life along the path that I wanted to be on”, as opposed to the passive alternative?

When we stop blaming others for the misfortunes and missed opportunities in our lives, there is a great feeling of control, happiness and empowerment.

Consider the following statement: I can’t play with you now I have to watch my show. This makes it sound like you have no choice in the matter that you’re just along for the ride, it’s very passive. Now replace can’t with won’t and have to with want to and the statement becomes: I won’t play with you now I want to watch my show. Suddenly it’s a very active statement. You are choosing to forego playing because you want to or would rather watch TV.

In reality, you don’t HAVE to do anything. Whether you realize this or not, every single action or decision you make is a choice. Granted the alternatives are not always easy or most pleasant but often they are the most rewarding.

You may feel you *have* to go to work everyday. Truth is you don’t *have* to, you choose to. The alternative is not to go into work everyday. This is not the most pleasant choice as it’s how you earn money to buy things and to live. But my point is you still have a choice. I *can’t* quit my job, again is a passive victim-like statement because in reality you’re choosing not to quit your job. No one is forcing you to be there. You have choices.

The next time you find yourself making excuses, blaming others or saying you have no choice, reconsider. Try just for a while replacing the following words:

• I can’t with I won’t
• I have to with I want to
• I have no choice with I choose to

The alternatives are much more positive, empowering and put you in control. Once you start taking responsibility for your own actions, becoming an active participant in your life and stop blaming others it’s amazing how quickly you can grow as an individual and become a happy and purposeful person who actually enjoys life.

 

Photo courtesy of bingbing